On a day like today, it feels like I should give me a big bear hug and cuddle and sleep. With myself.
Sometimes, we are our best friends. It takes such a long time to realize a few things in life. Leaving a very integral part of me here- in Mumbai. On my last night in Mumbai as home. Good bye.
You have taught me life lessons.
On my way to start a new chapter.
A home full of little voices...
That reminds you of the remnants.
The laughter in the hall.
The love making- everywhere.
The baby who poo'ed everywhere.
The vomit that was cleaned with Harpic left a few marks on the marble.
The violin squeaking, banging and then slowly falling into a simple tune.
The cooker whistles.
The toilet flush.
The aloe vera plant that amazingly survived 8 months without water. The dead plants.
The meals. The happy meals. The hard tears.
The financially difficult times. the fights.
Eventually the break up itself.
Remainders of an empty house as you walk... Is like mocking a killed bird.
A portion of me is largely gone.. And yet made space for new things. Hope.
Today... While I am soaking in the moments in privacy trying to bid my home a goodbye, I just felt like lauding myself.
I think this is one of the toughest decisions that I had taken in my life. Honestly, nothing felt more difficult, risky nor safe than moving out of this home I built over the past few years. And yet... I wanted to shake away the safety and security to move on. To move ahead.
It take immense courage- and ask me. I dont know how I am doing it. When the demons come to play with me, esp at night, I am now sighing and sleeping. Letting them know that there's a bigger demon in me that needs sorting and they can do whatever they hell they want to do with themselves.
It takes courage. Lot of it. Truck loads of it to do what I did this time. I am going back to the place where I grew up and ran away from. I am going back to face bigger demons. I am going back to confront these. As I decided to move, I already slaughtered a few demons.
A good start to 2021, I say! Except for collateral damage to my soul, I think I am courageous indeed. Three cheers to me... And to keep me company is my Sangria.
What else is there in life? As a life/thought experiment, pls do it. Figure out what gives you max comfort in life. And plug it out.
You will be humbled. And every person needs a whack on their fat butt everytime we feel comfy.
I am moving. After a decade of pitstop in the city that changed my life and my perspectives on life, I decided to move on.
Like the birth of my child, I wanted to spend moments with this house with just myself. Like my own private time with the house. Walking away is the most difficult thing to do in my life. More difficult than running away.
My life with my extended family fits into 60 boxes. Out of which we can live without a single one of them. We can.
My life is as simple as my hand bag. And as complicated as it gets. It has a bag full of memories and baggage.
Packers have meticulously packed my life and compartmentalized them into stacks and organized my memories. Whatay life. How can I move away from Mumbai?
Of all people, who had a chance to experience Mumbai, I did the most of it. No, really. Short of speaking Marathi, I did everything else that qualifies that I own the city. Get a PR here. Maybe- another life. Maybe a few years later. I might get back. But for now...
As I weep silently sitting in the balcony of my soon-to-be ex-house, I wonder how people separate. It is the most difficult thing. Ask me. I am doing everything to distract myself from the pain.
A home- is so difficult to walk away from. Next time.. Next time, I might protect myself better- so much that I will not attach myself to the concept of home. Home is where the moment is. Atleast, that's how it should be. ANything else- it is just adding karma.
Reluctantly, I begin new chapters. New haircut. New perspectives. New goals. New being.
Just like bhogi. I am moving on. I shall remember this pongal. Forever- ouch!
