She wanted freedom and he wanted a bond

Millions of girls grow up fantasizing a family. She grew up playing house and dolls. Until one day, she was reminded by the universe that she will not be eligible for this play anymore. She dropped the dolls even though her heart yearned it. She walked out without turning her face once. The dolls were all given up for adoption. Many took what she had with a lot of joy and happiness (and why not?). They were such good dolls who were all glowing with the love showered upon them. Through the pain, she thought atleast they found good houses.

She gave up on bonds. The separation was painful. She chose a minimal living that was completely impersonal so she could avoid separation forever. 

She started earning her living. Made more conscious choices. She was a free bird who didnt have to nest anymore. She migrated and she was happy. And yet- she stayed away from bonds. 

He... In her eyes, she thought she met an equal partner. They understood each other. They connected well. Her freedom was nurtured. There was safety and equality. Until he got the taste of freedom and she got the taste of that bond.

Tables turned one day. She realized they were polar opposites. Universe was so ironic. To this day, she never understood the ways it worked. He was her only doll and she had to make a choice to again give this doll up for adoption to a better home. A home the doll chose this time. 

What can a mother do except find a better home for her child? 

Terrible English

I shall start by writing something very honest today. I am terrible at English. I have terrible communication skills. And I am terrible at debates. Most terrible. Do not ever take me along if you have to do settlements with anyone in your life.

Why is this realization so important? It is very important because I always (read my lips- ALWAYS) took pride in all of the points above that I said I was terrible at.

Over night (and all of it in less than 24 hours), all the pillars of my life called out my dishonesty. That leaves you in a very scary place. Why? Because you always think that on a day your life comes crashing down, you would rely on these pillars.

S told me yday that I was an unreliable friend who she will never count on. I was/am not available usually when she calls me. Another friend just showed me a mirror that made me conclude that our frequencies dont match- after all these years of toil. And then the third pillar just told me I suck at intimacy.

I said all hell shall take my wrath today after this post. And yet here I am. Again protecting identities. What shall it matter?

End of the day, all of the 3 people above deserve festivities at home on Onam. And I shall weep on this day. To and for me.

Loneliness is like a terrible fk. It makes you begrudge everything beautiful in this world. It tells you why epics like Mahabharat happened. A mistress shall always celebrate in silence and solitude.

Since I am terrible at English, I try my hand at Tamil.

Yamunai Aatrile Eera Kaatrilae Kannanoadudhaan Aada

Paarvai Poothida Paadhai Paarthida Paavai Raadhaiyo Vaada

Iravum Poanathu Pagalum Poanathu Mannan Illayae Kooda

Ilaiya Kanniyin Imaithitatha Kan Ingum Angumae Thaeda

Aayarpaadiyil Kannan Illaiyo Aasai Vaippathey Anbuth Thollaiyo

Paavam Raadhaa...

How does a guilty person look like?

The omlette is flipped. Oops, we wanted the sunny side up. Now it is impossible to bring it back.

It was just another omlette. We can make one more. Oops! No more eggs. 

But the daughter wanted only sunny side up. What do I do?

I am terribly disappointed with myself. I switch on the TV and watch news. Oh wait, something super funny happened. Laughter.

Understood guilt in me???? No?

Ok- Picture this. 

You just tell a person what bothered in his/her behavior. The person apologizes. Profusely. And then goes silent. You wonder wtf happened. And then you realize, the guilt was long gone. There's laughter everywhere. Something amusing on the internet.

Why do I feel like I was just tossed?

Oh wait a minute. I was the last egg with which this omlette was made!!!!

Funeral.

Once something is dead, is there any value in debating if we should bury or cremate? And yet- I sat through a discussion. Where I saw things dead. Gone.

Gone with them were their hopes, dream, aspirations, pain, past. Everything. Kaput. And then we discussed if we should bury or cremate. 

Does it matter? My penchant for drama would make me imagine a cremation. Where every single atom was turning into ash. In front of my life. It doesnt even matter how this death occurred. It did. And some of us paid the price. 

Some things could have been immortal and time immemorial. And some things- are best left dead. Assume a few limbs and a part of your soul is not with you anymore. 

Funerals are funny things. They drive home the fact that things are really dead. 

I shall of course mourn the loss. They say time heals. I shall wait for my time to come. 

Death is the only absolute truth and reality of life. It will happen. It has to happen.