Today I shall mourn.
The death of many things between us.
Today I shall not live in denial. Of how little I know you.
I shall indulge in tasting my salty tears.
The are mine to taste. And waste.
I shall let my soul break. It cant contain hurt any longer.
I was perched on my fav ledge staring into the distant skies. That part of the skies often have flights that are on their landing loci.
There's something very meditative to see a flight landing. Like the people would feel what it is to be grounded after soaring in the skies.
The moon continued to shine thru like a pearl. A part of me silently wept. The flights kept landing and my thoughts went on soaring.
What's it like to realize that you fell in love with the wrong person?
It's like being in that flight that's not about to land anytime soon. You are only soaring in the air knowing that one day you'll land with a thud. Also knowing that you cannot fall out of love unless you want to jump out of the flight.
A friend came out of the closet today. Admitted to a piece of something that could throw people off guard.
I am usually not on guard around this friend.
What was said was not bothersome. But I was disappointed for some reason. Not in a judgmental way. But more so about myself.
It is his life. Isnt it? So why should it disappoint me? I felt like I realized an alien portion of me in me today.
Recognition. Awareness. That I am me. And only me. Many others make transient memories but they all are a part of the past. If we take a slice of only the "present" it is just me. And no one else.
His admission should have give me clarity about him. But it just made life more poetic.
How does it feel like when you know you were an active part of his past?
I pretty much have no visitors on mt page. As in I dont know if there are any- and i know it's very few. Does it matter?? Not really. GIven the way I write, it really is inconsequential.
What do I miss? I feel wistful almost every single day about things I miss. Knowing it is not right to lament about things that I dont have.
I do have a lot of good things going for me. And yet- I feel I miss a lot of things.
Here goes:
1. I miss my place in this world. A place.
2. I miss being myself. I dont know who I am. I want to know more about who I am.
3. I miss giggles. Laughter. Joy.
4. I really really miss being spontaneous.
With so many friends around me, I miss a companion in this journey. I wish my shadow was with me during darkness.
I wish I could lean on. I wish I could come home and say "honey, I am home".
I wish there was a name to that "honey". I wish there were a face. I wish there were a person. For me. With me. Me.
Imagine this... "You are me" will now be "I am 1/8th of you".
Mathematically this is a reductionist statement. As in the value has reduced already when there is a fraction where denominator is greater than 1.
Now- in life it means- the chick is now having more people in life to engage with.
This is surely a good thing. Right?
Only poetically, you are not me anymore. You are a part of me.
