The toughest feeling to endure in our lives is probably estrangement (of course I am not counting cancer or any other terminal disease). Estrangement for me is extremely painful and stressful.
The tiniest of the things you see or do or hear or feel- your mind goes on a mental trip. It does indeed squeeze your heart and soul. It stirs. It moves. Everything around you suddenly feels void because you suddenly realize that there are many things that have an anecdote. A shared meaning.
On certain days- from soap that you use to the dress you wear- all of it carries some memory and that causes a heaviness. A sad feeling of comfort. That there are so many parts of the leftovers. And so many memories.
And then the voice. Even when I think of it- like now- there's nothing much to do but to feel the wetness of your cheek.
Aeons passed. And yet the ugly truth is here to stay. Grief is real. We all need space and time to mourn our losses. But the loss is not going away anytime :-). It is here to stay. It happened. And we now live with it.
I thought my friend was mad when she said it is difficult to accept loss. Her son passed away and she should know.
But knowing that my son is alive and estranged- that's a strange loss.
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