Intimate relationships

 Women are suckers.

They expect things that are otherwise taken for granted. Actually should be taken for granted. Not like entitlement- but as equal partners in the relationship.

I have views. 

An equal relationship means- certain boundaries are mutual (this is coming from a person who said she doesnt care about boundaries). There was a certain beauty and charm to that person in the past. But now- I will not only define my boundaries- I shall also expect that other person to state and sign off on those boundaries.

An equal relationship means- treating the other person by atleast your average bar of good behaviour. Not that there's a below average relationship rules for you and other set of rules which look better to others.

An equal relationship means- being secure and transparent and fair to the other person. If you know I am a monogamous player- dont play with my mind. Those games are not going to go down well. Being intentionally ambiguous to the other person just because you are uncomfortable- makes me feel like only you are in this relationship.

Heck- I could go on. So... women are suckers. We need a man to make us happier. 

But men- they dont really need women. If they are available- it's great. If they are not- well- that's ok too.

An equal relationship- lastly, means that both the partners are in the game together. They feel the same way about each other and they understand each other and their reactions and they help each of them get better by being around for them. Not by constantly criticising them.

So... I played both the sides. I am not the victim here. I have been the abusive partner. But- I dont know how to get better. Heck- I beat myself up for a long time. Now- I am just going to give up. It is easier.

I give up. I am done.