It;s not just Christian weddings that ask for a new or a blue thing amongst the others for the bride. Yours truly is just starting a new role. But I feel very stressed suddenly. The PTSD hits me hard. Of my previous roles. I wont take names but there was a limbo in the past few months that I have been living in- nursing my wounds. Both professional and personal wounds. Deep ones.
Very few near and dear ones I shared the news with are so happy for me. But I am so stressed. There are many things that I am struggling with. The same near and dear ones don't ever figure out the chasm I am in. Deep shit. In my own shit. Mental shit.
How much more will I lose? When can I start feeling anything apart from the occasional feeling of loss and pathos? On a wing and prayer for a lot of strength and courage for the new role. I cant fk this up. I just cant.
For the first time- I truly feel so unwanted in this universe that I am admitting to finally saying that there is no place for me anymore. I am soo off. And lonely. There- I said it.
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