As the lightening and thunder struck for the umpteenth time that night, I was frightened to death. By now, I almost wished I were dead so I didnt have to live through those moments of intense fear. Fear has that power. It eats your insides and makes you feel super small. Actually makes me feel invisible or maybe that's what I hope I am.
Every thunder made me shudder at the suddenness of it all. Obviously there was a power outage and it happened to be one of the rare moments of solidarity that I otherwise enjoy. I tried shutting all the rattling windows. But who can stop the ten gale wind? And who could stop nature's fury? I tried meditating. But all that came into my mind's eye was my broken life.
I was born an angry kid. Everyone in the neighborhood would vouch for this despite the years that rolled by. My loud wails still haunt the walls. Now they haunt the walls of my heart and body. The only identity that I hold very dear to my body is anger. My adornment. I fought hard- tooth and nail. I made sure I was not to be fooled around with. And yet- there are moments we all succumb to. The lighter moments that are meant to fool a person. The forbidden fruit.
There's poetic justice in all of this. In the lightening that stuck my attention drew towards the glistening keys. The holder was swaying side to side as if shouting to me to get the keys so it could settle in more freely. Oh- the forbidden fruit. And the siren call.
There are moments when fear is forgotten when you realize there is something bigger than fear- My anger. And then I smiled. The not so nice smile. The wicked and cocky laughter that will make everyone uncomfortable. Like I was transferring fear to something else. I stood up and counted steps to reach the key stand. I clutched the cold bunch of keys in my hand. I gripped it so tight that I thought it will cut my insides of the palm.
With one key of the bunch, I locked the house. And with the other, I started the ignition of the car. Raised the accelerator like I wanted to. I heard the sound. The crunch of the gravel sounded like a lullaby that brought peace to me. Stepping on the gas further, I drove away. The hunted became the hunter.
The house was finally shut. And the distance between us increased. Just like the house wanted. And meh??? I was happier driving away.
Every thunder made me shudder at the suddenness of it all. Obviously there was a power outage and it happened to be one of the rare moments of solidarity that I otherwise enjoy. I tried shutting all the rattling windows. But who can stop the ten gale wind? And who could stop nature's fury? I tried meditating. But all that came into my mind's eye was my broken life.
I was born an angry kid. Everyone in the neighborhood would vouch for this despite the years that rolled by. My loud wails still haunt the walls. Now they haunt the walls of my heart and body. The only identity that I hold very dear to my body is anger. My adornment. I fought hard- tooth and nail. I made sure I was not to be fooled around with. And yet- there are moments we all succumb to. The lighter moments that are meant to fool a person. The forbidden fruit.
There's poetic justice in all of this. In the lightening that stuck my attention drew towards the glistening keys. The holder was swaying side to side as if shouting to me to get the keys so it could settle in more freely. Oh- the forbidden fruit. And the siren call.
There are moments when fear is forgotten when you realize there is something bigger than fear- My anger. And then I smiled. The not so nice smile. The wicked and cocky laughter that will make everyone uncomfortable. Like I was transferring fear to something else. I stood up and counted steps to reach the key stand. I clutched the cold bunch of keys in my hand. I gripped it so tight that I thought it will cut my insides of the palm.
With one key of the bunch, I locked the house. And with the other, I started the ignition of the car. Raised the accelerator like I wanted to. I heard the sound. The crunch of the gravel sounded like a lullaby that brought peace to me. Stepping on the gas further, I drove away. The hunted became the hunter.
The house was finally shut. And the distance between us increased. Just like the house wanted. And meh??? I was happier driving away.
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