I watch the world go by from my balcony on the 19th floor. I keep observing things- like the chopper that goes by every morning and evening. Like the flights that keep landing every few seconds. Like the position of the stars every night and the size of the moon.
And as the moon waned and became thinner than the crescent, I couldnt help but wonder when it would begin to wax- like hope in my life. As another day goes by, I pondered and looked outside into the dark sky that was lit with merry lights. Tis the season to be jolly :-). And the tiny lights only made me feel more wary and angry.
As the year passes by tonight, I couldnt help but wonder about the year that has been. The lines on the political maps have been thicker and the fences that define neighbors became stronger. Friends became more involved into their families and end of the day (and the year), I saw more divisions. Religions and races have increased this year. The need to find faith became more immense. And important.
The lone wolf just stared into the night sky wondering when the traces of dawn would crack. To see some light. And to wish that the night passes by. The night- you see, the poetic night brings in stories that are dark. And on a day when everyone is celebrating trying to ring the new year, I cant but help notice how trivial all this felt.
Earlier in the day I tried to give in to the need to participate and celebrate life. Like drink that bottle of wine and guffaw into mindless happiness. Which is unusual- considering that I slept thru the past 7 new years that came in and went by.
But the universe made sure I didnt break my 7 year record. Or maybe wanted me to break my own record and call it 8 :-). So here I am..... Watching the night pass by. Waiting for the war in my head to abate. So the pyrrhic remains of my body would survive yet another snow storm.
As the year that was is passing by- I cant help but wonder about the tears that were shed. And many that still remain unshed. The laughter that hides them. And the mockery of my own soul that I inflicted on.
Was the year a good one? I had 2 good moments through the year. I lost far too much. I lost my soul. I lost my family. I lost my identity. I am successfully a puppet who now can smile thru everything. And say- A very happy new year!!! :-)
I wonder how many more years... And I wonder if the curse of the spell can ever be exorcised.
I asked for this life, hadnt I? And I chose my bed, didnt I? I might as well live and make it.
No emails this new year. I break that routine. A routine where I used to send a few emails- personal notes to a few of my friends. This year it stops. New years dont matter much anymore- not enough to even wish anyone.
Unfair life. Inequal life. But hell yea- I am living.
The moon continues to wane.
And as the moon waned and became thinner than the crescent, I couldnt help but wonder when it would begin to wax- like hope in my life. As another day goes by, I pondered and looked outside into the dark sky that was lit with merry lights. Tis the season to be jolly :-). And the tiny lights only made me feel more wary and angry.
As the year passes by tonight, I couldnt help but wonder about the year that has been. The lines on the political maps have been thicker and the fences that define neighbors became stronger. Friends became more involved into their families and end of the day (and the year), I saw more divisions. Religions and races have increased this year. The need to find faith became more immense. And important.
The lone wolf just stared into the night sky wondering when the traces of dawn would crack. To see some light. And to wish that the night passes by. The night- you see, the poetic night brings in stories that are dark. And on a day when everyone is celebrating trying to ring the new year, I cant but help notice how trivial all this felt.
Earlier in the day I tried to give in to the need to participate and celebrate life. Like drink that bottle of wine and guffaw into mindless happiness. Which is unusual- considering that I slept thru the past 7 new years that came in and went by.
But the universe made sure I didnt break my 7 year record. Or maybe wanted me to break my own record and call it 8 :-). So here I am..... Watching the night pass by. Waiting for the war in my head to abate. So the pyrrhic remains of my body would survive yet another snow storm.
As the year that was is passing by- I cant help but wonder about the tears that were shed. And many that still remain unshed. The laughter that hides them. And the mockery of my own soul that I inflicted on.
Was the year a good one? I had 2 good moments through the year. I lost far too much. I lost my soul. I lost my family. I lost my identity. I am successfully a puppet who now can smile thru everything. And say- A very happy new year!!! :-)
I wonder how many more years... And I wonder if the curse of the spell can ever be exorcised.
I asked for this life, hadnt I? And I chose my bed, didnt I? I might as well live and make it.
No emails this new year. I break that routine. A routine where I used to send a few emails- personal notes to a few of my friends. This year it stops. New years dont matter much anymore- not enough to even wish anyone.
Unfair life. Inequal life. But hell yea- I am living.
The moon continues to wane.
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