Big pain. Small pain

 Imagine this.

Today- I was in a car driving at Chennai on ECR (still in the city).

A classic case of road rage- a car was constantly honking behind us for around 100 m. And they started bullying us by banging the windshield with their hands. Yea- quite scary.

We halted. They halted. And 4 men come out- drag my car's driver. And beat him up till he bled. No- I am not kidding.

And I tried to intervene- and they said (and picture this in the middle of the road around 2.30 PM) with so many people around me in Tamil: "If I am not careful, they'll rape me".

I buckled under the threat. I was worried. I stopped intervening. I am an asshole. On the day it mattered, I could not help the driver much because I was scared. The by standers then stepped in to help. By then the 4 just hopped on to the car and left.

I was shocked. I was worried. I was scared. I froze. I could'nt believe someone would do all that and threaten me with rape and walk away. That's the safety we have on our roads. Truly.

But the post is not that. This incident should have taken up a lot of my mind space post that. I should have spoken about it to someone about the threat. I couldnt. It still scares me as i write this. And yet- i could think of no one to talk about my fears. 

I realized just how lonely I was. 

Loneliness is more painful than the incident. 

The saving grace is the driver is now much better. He will live.