Ever wondered?? I crib about being judged all the time. But I do so sit on a day like this and think. I hear the chirpy birds. The whistle of a cooker. Clanging of utensils. Some joggers.
What if I did have a chance to defend myself ever, what would I do? And I still think. For all the things that mattered in the past, I moved on. I care two hoots to even go back and defend myself. I don't think I operate like that. Neither do I want to. In these cases I have truly moved on. In the cases where I am stuck, I wonder if I want to defend at all. The pack of 5 that we were judged me. I hurt terribly then. I was judged for being overtly independent and having extended boundaries (in their head it is not having boundaries). And this was a mere judgment. Which came out as a result of a few debates. (As silly as "Having cell phones in college- boon or bane" type topics). I struggled and wondered how unfair the judgment was.
Today, if the other 4 came back to me and 'gave' me that chance to defend, what would I speak? Despite me being stuck, I dont think I would have spoken a word if it were today.
1. The people dont exist for me anymore.
2. I do feel that the trust that was inherent earlier is no more there for me.
3. They took away some parts of me. Callously in my view.
And them? They had their daily problems. They had college like me. Had to attend classes. Study for exams like me. And me? I was stuck so terribly there wondering the unfairness in this universe (yet again) towards me. I couldn't get back to my exams as easily. Or get back to my life so quickly. And worst thing? I had to live along knowing this is what the friends I thought were world to me at that point in time thought of me.
A trust broke. And me? I never learnt a lesson. Someone was right when I said I was foolish and naive.
What if I did have a chance to defend myself ever, what would I do? And I still think. For all the things that mattered in the past, I moved on. I care two hoots to even go back and defend myself. I don't think I operate like that. Neither do I want to. In these cases I have truly moved on. In the cases where I am stuck, I wonder if I want to defend at all. The pack of 5 that we were judged me. I hurt terribly then. I was judged for being overtly independent and having extended boundaries (in their head it is not having boundaries). And this was a mere judgment. Which came out as a result of a few debates. (As silly as "Having cell phones in college- boon or bane" type topics). I struggled and wondered how unfair the judgment was.
Today, if the other 4 came back to me and 'gave' me that chance to defend, what would I speak? Despite me being stuck, I dont think I would have spoken a word if it were today.
1. The people dont exist for me anymore.
2. I do feel that the trust that was inherent earlier is no more there for me.
3. They took away some parts of me. Callously in my view.
And them? They had their daily problems. They had college like me. Had to attend classes. Study for exams like me. And me? I was stuck so terribly there wondering the unfairness in this universe (yet again) towards me. I couldn't get back to my exams as easily. Or get back to my life so quickly. And worst thing? I had to live along knowing this is what the friends I thought were world to me at that point in time thought of me.
A trust broke. And me? I never learnt a lesson. Someone was right when I said I was foolish and naive.
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